Common Sense Transgender Transition
you were planning to just pop on a dress and heels and just
go out the door this is not transition. It's called Cross-dressing.
If you are planning to spend the rest of your life in the role
of the opposite gender you not only need a plan you need a pre-plan.
Transition is more than a makeover inside and out. You are creating
an entire new persona. There are no sucessful partial transitions
and if you were planning to swap back and forth between male
and female modes transition is probably not for you. It's a
full time endeavor and in order to be successful everything
you do from that point forward will be as a female. Is your
wardrobe ready? Have you thought about a new ID to cash your
checks in your female name? What will you do if your five O'clock
shadow starts peeking through your makeup at 3 PM. When you
open your mouth will you sound like Darth Vadar or Princess
Lea? Does your wig look like a wig? Do your eyebrows look like
Alfred Einstein's. These are things that you think about in
your pre-transition plan.
are many successes here but I'm here to talk about the failures
due to lack of common sense. I've been to groups in the past
where the right to dress-up as yourself was discussed. That
this sometimes included miniskirts with fishnets when you're
6 foot 4 and ill fitting blonde wigs over black beard shadow
didn't seem to matter. It doesn't mean going sleeveless when
you have Rambo's biceps. These people would then wonder why
they were arrested or thrown out of the ladies room at an upscale
restaurant even with a therapist letter. Anything worth doing
is worth doing well. If you're only going to make a half effort
why even bother? If you are going to present as female you have
to at least respect the gender. This means following their rules.
The idea is to blend in not stand out.
is not just about passing it's about your presentation. Women
aren't flawless but they know how to minimize them by wearing
the right clothes and colors for their shape. They know what
slims you and what does not. Even the poorest women have a sense
of style and are meticulous about their appearance . They at
least balance their purse and shoe colors. When they use nail
polish or mascara it's not going to be smudged or overrun.
so you have your look down to perfection and you open your mouth.
I've seen some stunning transsexual women who are fine until
they speak. Then their secret is out of the bag. You are not
complete until you have your voice down. So many don't even
try to work on this. There are plenty of women with deeper voices
who you still know are women. At least soften your tone and
the words that you use.
look, voice and presentation are important. It can mean the
difference between a smooth transition and a rocky one. You
are not going to get respect if you scream man in a dress. In
fact you are going to endure taunts, discrimination and harassment.
Please don't misunderstand you don't have to be beautiful to
blend in. It's not every woman who's a ten on the scale. You
merely have to project a female attitude and persona. This is
harder than it sounds because our female side is largely undeveloped.
It requires observation and study. As a male it took a lifetime
to learn what you know now. As a female it's going to take some
work in order to catch up.
Remove facial hair with either electrolysis or laser treatments.
Remove body hair where needed. Makeup will only hide a beard
for hours depending on your growth. Avoid embarrassment and
do this first.
Legal identification and name change. You will need to change
your driver's license, Social Security number and bank accounts.
Transition and or surgery letter from your therapist or doctor.
It should reflect what bathroom you will use.
Hormones. I don't have to tell you this. You probably did this
first. Hormones are powerful medicines with possible side effects
including deep vein thrombosis which can be fatal. Levels need
to be checked by a doctor. There are thousands of deaths annually
from illegal hormone use. Reduce the transgender mortality rate.
Obtain your hormones through a doctor that will monitor you.
Education and Income. How are you going to support yourself.
The transgender unemployment rate is 70% when times are good.
You cannot transition without a steady sustainable income. If
you are in college this is the perfect place to transition.
Establish a savings account. Sock away as much as you can not
only for medical expenses but living expenses as well.
Wardrobe and look. Don't skimp here. Keep the fetish stuff for
the bedroom. Consider an image consultant.
Hair. Your choice here is important. Will you use wigs or your
own hair. Do you need transplants? Hair loss should stop with
hormones but thinning hair won't likely come back. if you're
buying wigs remember they are for everyday use. Consider custom
fitted wigs with highlights. You'll need two identical wigs.
Plan on yearly replacements.
Coming out. Prepare for the worst case scenario of losing some
or all of your friends and family. The friends you keep are
your true friends. Often some will be homophobic and have Transgender
stereotypes in mind.
Keep your therapist as a transition guide. Be honest with them
as they are not mind readers.
is a great opportunity to build yourself from the ground up.
It's not only physical it is also mental, emotional and spiritual.
Keep the parts of yourself that you like. If you were assertive
as a man you don't have to lose that as a woman. It might come
in handy. You're a woman not a caricature of one. Even femininity
for most women is moderate and not overplayed.
isn't for everyone and it is not easy. It is a lot of work.
You have to feel that there is absolutely no other route you
can take. Do examine your motives and be honest with yourself
why you need to live your life as a women. Would just cross-dressing
suffice? Sometimes the grass is always greener on the other
side. If this is for you than go into it 100% and make sure
you are ready for any eventuality. Before transition prepare,
prepare, prepare. Ask yourself if this is really how you wish
the rest of your life. This is a huge drastic step and you need
to be sure this is for you. Breasts and name changes don't easily
disappear not to mention the emotional effects of being wrong.
Transition is a life altering experience. It's not for everybody.