lets see how best I can answer the When? , the What caused it? and
the What the heck to do about it?
when I was about five, I can remember cutting up materials to make
dresses for myself. My grandmother was a designer's seamstress,
and I would watch her work. I still like to sew. Needless to say,
this did not go over well and my grandmother was asked to leave.
My last memory of her was her throwing
down a candy to me, and cautioning me that no one should know. I
was not allowed to see her anymore.
vaguely remember a trip to the psychologist's office, with a lot
of head shaking.. but I was still very young. This was the 50's.
There was a great campaign to "toughen" me up...make me
"fly straight".. which sadly my older brother took to
heart... he still has guilt over what he did in our youth..
are many victims in hatred and prejudice. Lots of persistent teasing,
punches..harsh words etc..were used over the years. It
did not work. When you are in this..in the beginning, you don't
know that they are wrong..you only imagine that you are wrong because
you do not fit in with the "tribe". But who you are is
a persistent thing, and no matter how you play the game, or overplay
a macho role to fit it.. your truth is still with you.. and if you
do not open to it, if you spend all of your energy trying to keep
yourself in prison.. then you will suffer the consequence of such
an effort...if not kill
the beautiful spark of life which enlivens you with spirit.. IE:
you make yourself "dead" to fit in.. But it is too expensive..
and more forces than you know.. your angel guides and spirit helpers
at the very least, are there for you to use what you are to expand
and blossom...not whither and die.
there were other things going on too. I have spoken in tongues since
I was a child as well..and still do (glossolalia), and had some
clairvoyant an clairaudio experiences.. So if crossdressing does
not get you into trouble, then do so and speak in tongues, or see
an angel.. or in a game with a playmate, focus
and scare the crap out of him by making twelve dice come up all
sixes on three consecutive throws.. and believe me, it will dawn
upon you that you DO NOT FIT IN.
with most of this, I try to live undercover.. and not let people
know what I am about. In some primitive societies, you would be
a shaman,..in others, you would be burned.. but in this society,
would be put in a rubber room, or "medicated". I spent
some time in a monastery as a postulant, but it became evident that
their beliefs were very contrary to my world view..and I was more
or less pushed out. Later, I showed up at my preinduction physical
in drag...Ft. Hamilton... during Vietnam...an interesting story,
but not for here.. yet still, there was one young man who came to
me fascinated.. as if he wanted to learn something from me..he was
searching with his eyes.. and I realized there, that there may
be a need.. that there are others something like me, who may be
in need of support too.. For me, being TG is a very isolated existance
surrounded by unsympatheticpeople.
later years, I attended Tri-Ess meetings, and wondered if this was
for me?... especially when they kicked out a member who had a sex
change..silly...Before, that person was highly esteemed.. and now
she was dirt...unconscious behavior? Soon after, an author, Adrienne
Caine told me at a meeting that I was very different from most of
the members..(I had just written an article for him) I felt that
even among the crossdressers, I did not fit
in... Yet still, while there, a young member told me how his family
had said to him, " What you are is against God!!!".. and
I tried to tell him that it was quite the reverse...(I did not mention
the visions which supported my position) I told him, that God loves
you, more than you could believe.. and that you are this way for
a special reason, and that being TG is part of a spiritual path
God uses in this world for Goodness.. but he would not listen. About
a month later came an anouncement..the young fellow had killed
himself in a car accident.. a great tragedy.. which underscored
to me, that the ignorance should not be allowed to cause such great
basically, I later became an engineer, and then I became an artist,
and eventually a Universalist Minister of sorts. I then started
writing for Francis Heller's newsletter: "The Love Letter"....
which was an outreach publication. After her death, I began
writing in Transpirits, and other yahoo groups, as well as a couple
of religious organizations who include them in their newsletters.
I do not send in to many poetry groups because it is not really
poetry as most people would think.. its more clairaudio stuff
coupled with some sort if message. I have two memorial sculptures
in a major Government building.. and am applying for a grant at
the moment for a much more ambitious sculpture...money is not easy.
I have also been trained in Therapeutic Touch, which I use directly,
and often send prayer handkerchiefs to people at a distance who
request them for healing of some sort.
best as I can figure.. it is not what you imagine yourself to be..
it is what you do with it.. its how you think... what attitudes
and energies you let into yourself that matters.. your thinking,
your beliefs and desires create what you will become..both
in this life and the next...nor are you alone in this..you have
angels and spirit helpers with you always. Part of the deal.. is
remembering who you really are.. learning to listen to the guidance
that is always there.. within you, and outside of you.. finding
your conscience, finding your intuition, which the tribe loves to
kill.. and finding strength through the Love that the Holy showers
you with... Its like the movie, the Lion King... "remember"....
have very often been TG people.. why do you think that is?... "remember"
Who you are...both nothing, and everything, both empty, and full...and
"a pencil in the hand of God". Being TG is not an accident..
you wrote it into your script before you came here.. but the trick..
is to learn how to use it for Goodness..how it can help you discover
the Holy in everything.. because, it is also, a gift you wrote in
for yourself,which comes from God.. to help lead you
home to a more genuine spritual level.. Like androgony, or the Tao
yin/yan symbol, everything is connected.. there is no separation..and
much of what people assume as rock solid and literal, is pure illusion..
TG means you are dealing with symbols and energy.. with Being..
and Becoming... and with Light, as it moves through you, and as
you learn to balance it. It means you are in transition on
spiritual planes.. Maybe that is why people are so afraid of people
who are TG? We challenge their comfortable illusions? But,we did
not come into this world to eat and make money..and support lies
to do so... we came into this world to Become, and to be as the
Light we allow to shine through us.
is one of our TG
Poetry Authors on Laura's Playground.