[Chrissie]

This is a little project of mine that got started because I noticed a lot of parents have the same questions... so I got to work doing something I do well ... besides rabble rousing and causing trouble, Writing...

So I want to get as many parents to send me their questions here so I can include them.

I want this to be as complete a list as possible... and come up with the best answers that are possible, not scientific answers... but answers that actually help the parent cope with what is happening... right now I have 2 pages of stuff and it seems incomplete.

I'll post the semi-completed project when it gets done and thank all that help in it.... I want this to be something to mean something and help.

I'm not going to try to answer all questions like "why didn't my child tell me?" that you possibly already know the answers to... but have it as a guide so parents can accept and deal with what is happening...

I want this little project to be good on so many levels...

as I tell those in my MTF support group "If we don't know the answers and can't point you in the right direction to the answers ... we'll make up an answer just for you...."

[twinstar4]

Chrissie,
This sounds like a very useful project.
My questions are can you change your gender on officiel documents like birth certificate? Can you say you are a female when getting your drivers liscense if you are a teenage MTF but haven't transitioned yet? How do you handle the gender question when filling out forms? Is it legal to put female in this instance?
Thank you in advance for this project.
Twinstar

[meridian]

Thank you so much for doing this! Here's my question: How long does the confusion last when your child (or an adult) seems to have made up his or her mind about gender but then continues to have doubts? What does or can the confusion mean, and what ways can you suggest for the individual to deal with it?

[Ryles_D]

twinstar4, on Mar 16 2009, 09:32 AM, said:

Chrissie,
This sounds like a very useful project.
My questions are can you change your gender on officiel documents like birth certificate? Can you say you are a female when getting your drivers liscense if you are a teenage MTF but haven't transitioned yet? How do you handle the gender question when filling out forms? Is it legal to put female in this instance?
Thank you in advance for this project.
Twinstar

Check the laws in your state. They're different. (I'd look it up for you, but I can't recognize the flags except for CT and NC, sorry) In NC, where I live, you need top surgery to change your driver's license marker- I believe that's for both, it might only be for FtMs. I believe Mass just needs a letter from a gender therapist saying you are that gender- I could be mistaken.
If you want, and you've changed your name, here's what I've heard a lot of people try: Go in, and ask them to fix it. Don't present as transgendered- she needs to present herself as a normal, cisgendered girl and this is just a clerical error. If you pass well enough, they sometimes do it. I don't know if this is a good idea or not, someone else probably has a better idea.

Forms are tricky. What kind of forms? When it comes to legal forms, I put my legal gender to be safe. I don't believe employers can legally ask for your gender, it always says it's voluntary, so I always leave it blank, I'd suggest she does as well. You can't get in any trouble for not saying either way. School forms- I'd contact the school first.

Changing birth certificate info: http://www.drbecky.com/birthcert.html

[goodmomwannabe]

Chrissie, on Mar 16 2009, 01:08 AM, said:

This is a little project of mine that got started because I noticed a lot of parents have the same questions... so I got to work doing something I do well ... besides rabble rousing and causing trouble, Writing...

So I want to get as many parents to send me their questions here so I can include them.

I want this to be as complete a list as possible... and come up with the best answers that are possible, not scientific answers... but answers that actually help the parent cope with what is happening... right now I have 2 pages of stuff and it seems incomplete.

I'll post the semi-completed project when it gets done and thank all that help in it.... I want this to be something to mean something and help.

I'm not going to try to answer all questions like "why didn't my child tell me?" that you possibly already know the answers to... but have it as a guide so parents can accept and deal with what is happening...

I want this little project to be good on so many levels...

as I tell those in my MTF support group "If we don't know the answers and can't point you in the right direction to the answers ... we'll make up an answer just for you...."

How do I let my child know that I,m concerned about safety. Specifically, we have a vacation home in a very conservative community and the response to my daughter from strangers is, at times, worrisome.

[Ryles_D]

meridian, on Mar 20 2009, 09:09 AM, said:

Thank you so much for doing this! Here's my question: How long does the confusion last when your child (or an adult) seems to have made up his or her mind about gender but then continues to have doubts? What does or can the confusion mean, and what ways can you suggest for the individual to deal with it?

Since this hasn't been answered, I'm not sure if I'm qualified to but I'll try. I think a lot of people feel constant doubts about this. There's a million things that can go wrong, it's very expensive in the US, there's virtually no acceptance, and there are no guarantees. You can worry you'll lose friends, family, loved ones, a lot of oppurtunities, etc. Doubt or confusion isn't a sign that they think they might not really be trans, if they're sure who they are, then the doubts are probably more of the "what do I do about this?" variety.

They might be nervous about the social issues of being transgendered, which is a very different case than a concern about the health issues of transitioning or the financial effects. If they aren't already seeing a gender therapist- you should suggest it to them because a good gender therapist is an invaluable guide.

And I do specify good because there are some hacks out there who try and force their own views (either forcing them not to transition, or just signing off on hormones/surgery in the first session, I've heard of both) rather than looking out for the person's best interests.

goodmomwannabe, on Aug 9 2009, 09:09 PM, said:

How do I let my child know that I,m concerned about safety. Specifically, we have a vacation home in a very conservative community and the response to my daughter from strangers is, at times, worrisome.

Why not just tell her that? She probably noticed a bit already and didn't want to bring it up because she figured she was being paranoid/didn't want to worry you needlessly/etc, and if she hasn't noticed it then she definitely has to be aware. It's important for transpeople, especially MtFs, to always be aware of the potential dangers of just being trans in this world- especially in conservative areas. And women in general need to be aware as well, even cisgendered ones. Unfortunately it's a pretty dangerous world and it's better safe than sorry.

You don't have to scare her into never leaving the house or visiting hte vacation home, but I don't see a problem in letting her know about your concerns and trying to work out a way everyone will feel better about it. There's plenty of options out there on how to protect yourself, and it's probably good for her to know about them no matter where she is. After talking to her about it and getting an idea about what she wants to do, it'd probably be good to discuss it with your family or whoever else would be at the vacation home as well, just so that they can be aware of teh concerns.

[Joanna Phipps]

twinstar4, on Mar 16 2009, 07:32 AM, said:

Chrissie,
This sounds like a very useful project.
My questions are can you change your gender on officiel documents like birth certificate? Can you say you are a female when getting your drivers liscense if you are a teenage MTF but haven't transitioned yet? How do you handle the gender question when filling out forms? Is it legal to put female in this instance?
Thank you in advance for this project.
Twinstar

What it takes to change the birth certificate depends on what country or state you were born in. Many of them force you to wait until after SRS because they require a surgeon's letter stating you have had irreversible surgery.