[therisa]

As a child, I was constantly bullied until it reached the point of being abusive. To this day, I can still hear the exact words and accent of the kids, who made my life, a living hell. Often have PTSD flashbacks in my dreams, awake in a fetal position, still trebling. Needless to say, self-confidence, hope, and trust are three things, that I am, in short supply of. Starting as a pre-teen, I have attempted several times, to take my own life. Late time, is November 2007. Have turned to this site, hoping to find a way, to cope and move on.

Right now, I am fighting back tears, as I type this out.

[MaryEllen]

Oh yes. I know all too well what it's like to be bullied. To be grabbed in a choke hold from behind while the rest of the "Hero's" used me for a punching bag. You don't forget stuff like that. Don't be afraid to pour your feeling out. We're here for you and we care. Just want to ask if you have ever been to counseling about this. If not, why don't you give it a try. It won't hurt and might help you get over these feelings.

Hugs,

MaryEllen :)

[therisa]

MaryEllen, on 13 July 2010 - 07:56 PM, said:

Oh yes. I know all too well what it's like to be bullied. To be grabbed in a choke hold from behind while the rest of the "Hero's" used me for a punching bag. You don't forget stuff like that. Don't be afraid to pour your feeling out. We're here for you and we care. Just want to ask if you have ever been to counseling about this. If not, why don't you give it a try. It won't hurt and might help you get over these feelings.

Hugs,

MaryEllen :)

I have been dealing with a counsellor for almost 3 years now. She encourages me, to make art whether its writing, painting or something else. Been writing to let out some of my emotions. Find it very hard to talk about it to other people and I don't do group settlings well.

nior.

[MaryEllen]

You can talk to us, hon. Most of us were bullied as children to some degree or other so we know where you're coming from. Don't be afraid to express your feelings to us. We understand and we care.

Hugs,

MaryEllen :)

[therisa]

MaryEllen, on 13 July 2010 - 08:32 PM, said:

You can talk to us, hon. Most of us were bullied as children to some degree or other so we know where you're coming from. Don't be afraid to express your feelings to us. We understand and we care.

Hugs,

MaryEllen :)

Am feeling that I am taking 3 steps backwards for each one forward. And thank you, for your kind offer, MaryEllen.

nior

[Matthias Blake]

Do you think in some way you've got so used to being treated so badly that in way you've come to a point where you're unsure how to be nice to yourself?

[therisa]

Matthias Blake, on 21 July 2010 - 03:55 PM, said:

Do you think in some way you've got so used to being treated so badly that in way you've come to a point where you're unsure how to be nice to yourself?

Honestly, I have never asked myself that question. It is possible, but I do know, my self-esteem level is so far below ground, I need a ladder to reach that balance point that is normal for anybody else. If that makes sense to you.

nior

[Matthias Blake]

Self esteem can be built on I believe. But a lot of it comes from making yourself do things. Which could be getting out more, doing more, telling yourself each day good things about yourself, patting yourself on your back for achievements. I know you probably won't believe it at first, but if you keep doing things and show yourself little, even the tiniest achievement you can take that as evidence for you being a better person, therefore knowing that you're not just deluding yourself. I know I and i'm sure plenty of others feel like they're deluding themselves when someone tells them that they should tell themselves good things about themselves. But if you give yourself the chance? You'll actually have the evidence to prove it!

It's what YOU think that matters. Not what other people think.

I think we're now living in a world where it is perceived to be completely arrogant for a person to actually be able to say "I'm a good person and I know this!" so that makes people retreat into their low self esteem even more. In my opinion. Yes there is such things as getting too big headed and therefore arrogant. But for the most part confidence isn't actually arrogance. People just seem to have it in their heads that it is.

Matt

[therisa]

Matthias Blake, on 22 July 2010 - 08:17 AM, said:

Self esteem can be built on I believe. But a lot of it comes from making yourself do things. Which could be getting out more, doing more, telling yourself each day good things about yourself, patting yourself on your back for achievements. I know you probably won't believe it at first, but if you keep doing things and show yourself little, even the tiniest achievement you can take that as evidence for you being a better person, therefore knowing that you're not just deluding yourself. I know I and i'm sure plenty of others feel like they're deluding themselves when someone tells them that they should tell themselves good things about themselves. But if you give yourself the chance? You'll actually have the evidence to prove it!

It's what YOU think that matters. Not what other people think.

I think we're now living in a world where it is perceived to be completely arrogant for a person to actually be able to say "I'm a good person and I know this!" so that makes people retreat into their low self esteem even more. In my opinion. Yes there is such things as getting too big headed and therefore arrogant. But for the most part confidence isn't actually arrogance. People just seem to have it in their heads that it is.

Matt

This is a subject matter that my counsellor and I have talked about, constantly, my self-esteem issue. To tune out, the insider critic that has incorporated parts of my flashbacks into its being.