A Load Off Of My Chest... Options

[Seegee]

Hello,

I know I was just introduced to this forum, but something has been bothering me constantly. It is eating me away inside. This is very short because of how concise I'd like to make it...

When I was young, I was molested frequently by a boy older than myself. He was old enough to know very well that he was damaging my heart. He'd follow me into the bathroom, tell me he'd kill me if I told anyone, try to have sex with me, and touch me in ways I would prefer not to elaborate further on. I hate beaches now, I am scared of most males, and people with features like his. I have burned all of the pictures my mother took of us together.

There's a picture of us in a restaurant after I was molested for that first time, and it was a scathing sight for me to behold.

For a while after that, I wet the bed. I wouldn't tell anyone, and it only lasted a little while...

But now I'm a teenager, and I am having dreams and constantly wetting myself whether it be during the day or at night. When I think about it, I just get so frightened. I can hardly move, I usually vomit, etc. I've had to wear pads to bed, and even then it doesn't really cut it.

There are some days when I just want to lay prostrate and forget everything. Unfortunately, there is no reset button to life.

Do any of you have any advice on how to cope? I would greatly appreciate hearing anything you have to offer and I will take it to heart.

[InkCloud]

I can relate, somewhat. I was molested once, less than a block away from my home, when I was perhaps 8. It only happened once, and it was a guy who, like this boy, was old enough to know better. I carried it with me for a long time and never told anyone who is close to me (still haven't), but it did not have the same affect on me at all. I punished myself for a while and I think I finally buried it, because I can't talk about it with people who know me. This may not be the answer you want, but I would seek therapy. It doesn't have to be a gender therapist. Just find a professional to talk to. Because, unlike me, they will know what to say and how to help you cope with this. If you don't have a lot of money to spend, look at your closest university. They usually offer therapy with grad students for extremely reasonable prices. It's a good start anyway. We don't know eachother, but you can certainly talk to me. I'm only twenty, so my wisdom might be lacking a little, but it sometimes helps to talk to someone who is a total stranger. If you want you can PM me (when that is available to you) and I can give you my email. Or not, it's entirely up to you.

You will be okay. You will make it through this. Someone hurt you. And it is not your fault. I cannot stress that enough. You'll be okay.

Justin

[SusanKG]

Seegee,

I'm so sorry to hear of this terrible thing. By all means, find counseling. Quickly. Many of us have faced that horrid experience. One thing, and first get help, but is this guy anywhere around? It is not easy, but if the chance exists he is still doing this, perhaps you can help stop him. Just a thought - the important thing is to get yourself past the damage. Good luck dear, and remember you have friends here.

SusanKG

[Sally]

Oh my, Seegee that is terrible.

I do not have any personal experience in this area and I am so thankful to have missed out on it but I have had some Psychology classes and just enough to know that a major component of the problem is deep seated feelings of guilt and they must be dealt with honestly.

It is not your fault and not anything that you need to dwell on but until you can lose the feelings of guilt you can never move on - it was not you but the boy who did something wrong - very wrong.

PLease do seek professional help you need to get beyond this or he will control your life forever.

Love ya,
Sally

[Ariana]

Oh, Seegee, I just wish I could give you the biggest hug right now... I wish this never had to happen to you, or anyone else, but there's nothing to do about it. I'm glad I missed out on that part of being natal, but I know that it must be really hard to cope with those memories for all these years...
Please, talk to a professional about this. It's something that you or anyone else never deserves to suffer, ever. Why not help stop the pain and talk to someone trained to help? I'm begging you right now, do not let yourself feel the pain any longer, alright?

[Christine Beatty]

"By all means, find counseling. Quickly."

I must add my voice to this chorus. I've been in recovery (mostly) from alcohol & drugs since 1988. I can't count the number of people I've met in those (12 Step) rooms who are molestation survivors. The trauma only gets worse if you don't deal with it, and substance abuse can be just the tip of the iceberg of self-destructive behavior if you let it fester. Please do seek help!

[Seegee]

You all are a blessing to me for all of your help. Truly, you all are.

I am currently seeking counseling and will tell my therapist about this ASAP. She is a new therapist, so I figured I'd wait to tell her, but I think it is already time.

Thank you all so much!

[SuzieCh]

Hi Seegee

I was molested by my older brother and his friends when I was around 8 years old. I started wetting the bed after this as well and could not get near any male figure at all without fear. Therapy is your best approach to this.

Hugs,
Suzie

[Seegee]

Suzie,

I am so very sad to hear this. Life is very hard. But I greatly appreciate your advice from the bottom of my heart, all of it. I'm going to be speaking to my therapist tomorrow.

[Jonie]

Hello,

I know I was just introduced to this forum, but something has been bothering me constantly. It is eating me away inside. This is very short because of how concise I'd like to make it...

When I was young, I was molested frequently by a boy older than myself. He was old enough to know very well that he was damaging my heart. He'd follow me into the bathroom, tell me he'd kill me if I told anyone, try to have sex with me, and touch me in ways I would prefer not to elaborate further on. I hate beaches now, I am scared of most males, and people with features like his. I have burned all of the pictures my mother took of us together.

There's a picture of us in a restaurant after I was molested for that first time, and it was a scathing sight for me to behold.

For a while after that, I wet the bed. I wouldn't tell anyone, and it only lasted a little while...

But now I'm a teenager, and I am having dreams and constantly wetting myself whether it be during the day or at night. When I think about it, I just get so frightened. I can hardly move, I usually vomit, etc. I've had to wear pads to bed, and even then it doesn't really cut it.

There are some days when I just want to lay prostrate and forget everything. Unfortunately, there is no reset button to life.

Do any of you have any advice on how to cope? I would greatly appreciate hearing anything you have to offer and I will take it to heart.

Hello I am Jonie I can relate to what you are talking.I was molested by a man when I was very young.I really think what bothered me the most was the thought of how many other kids was he doing that.I felt very guilty about it a couple of years.what helped me there was other kids that he done it to and they did what I my self should have done they told there parents and there parents prosecuted him.I can honestly say the thought of him being prosecuted really helped me a lot.the only thing that I do hat is that if I would have ben brave enough to do it my self there might not have ben another one attack by him I honestly think that would have made me fell even better than I do. I am very glad that you are going to a therapist about this it will help you it will be hard to talk about still I know but it will make things a little bit better I am shore Jonie

[Seegee]

Hello Jonie,

I am very sorry that that all happened to you. It saddens my heart, but also makes me feel not so alone in all of this... I thank you all for sharing your stories and presenting your honesty, as well as your compassion.

I spoke with my therapist today and she said that it was the root of many other problems I have. Thus, we must revisit the event. I have to come to terms with it. I have many loved ones and you all to speak to, so this should make the healing process much easier.