Hello To Everyone Options

[Djeridoo]

Hello all, I'm Andrew (or just Andy), a 19-but-soon-to-be-20-year old FTM. I've not yet started my transition yet, however, but I know in my heart that I am indeed male. Nothing could convince me otherwise.

Anyway, my main reason for not transitioning yet, I guess, is fear. While I've come out to my closest loved ones (my mom, girlfriend, and closest friends, who have all been very supportive, bless their hearts), I've been unable to go much further than that. I'm terrified of what will happen if I come out at work; I know it's something I have to do, because I cannot afford to quit my job right now, and this particular job offers benefits and I am guaranteed hours. From what I've researched, there are no anti-discrimination laws protecting me in my state, so I fear I'll be fired for being trans. I work at an assisted living facility for Alzheimer's patients, and as a care worker I interact a lot not just with residents but with family members too. This is the type of place that puts money before anything else, so if a family member were to complain about me (being trans) then I'm almost certain I would be fired for it. If for some reason I'm not fired, I fear how things will go down with co-workers. I have to work very closely with my co-workers. Not being on good terms with them makes the job more than miserable, and I'm sensitive when it comes to relationships with others. I already know of one co-worker who is homophobic, so I have no doubt she will be prejudiced against transsexuals (I also work with this particular person very frequently).

I'm finding it very difficult, however, to continue putting off my transition. Each passing day proves to be more difficult than the last, and I'm finding it harder and harder to cope. I'm tired of having to lie to people at work why I get my hair cut shorter for fear of ridicule or, again, losing my job. Right now my hair as it is fairly feminine, and I want so badly to go with a more masculine style. There's a lot I want to be able to do to be more masculine (including binding my chest, etc.). I don't mean to seem whiny, but it's all just so very painful.

But! On a more positive note and aside from all this depressing business, a little bit more about myself in general: I love to draw, and find that I am at least half-decent at it, though I wish I would do it more often. More than anything, though, I'm a huge fan of video games and my dream in life is to find a career in game design, either as a character artist, 3D animator, or level designer. I have a fantastic girlfriend who has been more than supportive of me through all of my hardships (and believe me, there has been a lot!), including the issues with transitioning and being trans. I love all animals and always have, but my favorites have always been birds, particularly small birds such as finches and sparrows, and then owls. I also love music of all sorts, reading books, learning, movies, so on and so forth. I'm pretty relaxed as far as my hobbies go. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

Anyway, I look forward to getting to know people on these forums. Everyone seems very supportive and I've been searching for a good trans forum to join for a little while now. I hope I didn't come off as too sappy or depressing!

- Andy

[ChloëC]

Hi Andy

Welcome to Laura's Playground and all it has to offer - support, information, a lot of caring and considerate people who will do what they can to help you.

I'm fascinated by owls. There was a great horned on behind our place all one summer. I used to watch it fly the fields and listen to its hoot. I walked out our back door once and their about 10 feet from me was a small saw-whet owl. It just peered at me (looking for mice in our drain pipes), and I left it alone.

We're glad you're here, and hopefully help you sort things out.

Hugs,

Chloë

ps yea! another Great Lakes resident. Are you Green and White or Maize and Blue? lol!

[Djeridoo]

Nice to meet you, Chloë! Thank you very much for the welcome. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif)

Unfortunately, I've not had the great pleasure of seeing an owl in the wild, only in our local nature center. I hear them often enough though!

Hey, that's pretty neat to see someone from the same state! But honestly, I don't really have a preference, lol. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/tongue.gif) I'm not much of a sports person, actually!

[Shane_82]

Welcome (IMG:style_emoticons/default/happy.gif)

~ Shane

[Ariana]

Welcome Andrew (Andy, which one do you prefer?) And please do not be concerned about opening up to people you don't have to right now, okay? We're all here for you, so that is not a problem at all! Oh, and you totally need to post some of your drawings on here, I'm quite excited to see them! But most of all, make yourself comfortable here, alright?

[Djeridoo]

Thank you both for the welcomes!

And I like Andy, but if anyone prefers to call me Andrew for whatever reason, I'm totally fine with that.
Once I get my art uploaded into a gallery, perhaps I will let you all have a gander. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/tongue.gif)

[Jean Davis]

Hi Andy

Welcome to the family, I see we're neighbors in a sense. I'm just on the other side of the lakes. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/laugh.gif)

As far as your fear, that is perfectly normal. It takes time and a good therapist to find the answers you'll need to see if you want to proceed. But for now you could experiment with other things that are not permanant, like a binder, mens clothing or perhaps some male oriented activities. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/tongue.gif)

The rest of the family should be by shotrly to say Hi and some even bring treats. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/biggrin.gif)

So feel free to browse around a little and meet some of the family. After 5 posts you can PM anyone here.

LUV

Jean

[Djeridoo]

Hello, Jean, it's a pleasure to meet you!

I do know I want to go forth with my transition, it's just a matter of when and how, I suppose. Getting health insurance, however, is my first step. Therapists are expensive!

I certainly plan to get a binder soon (I'm thinking about one from Underworks), and some more male clothing, for outside of work at the very least. I also have plans to get more masculine/gender neutral scrubs for work, too. All the scrubs I have right now are hand-me-downs, so they're far from my true tastes. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/tongue.gif)

[bernii]

Hey Andy,

Welcome to Laura's. No you did not come off as depressing or sappy. You were very honest with you concerns. Yes transitioning and the work place can be almost an impossibility. I, myself am not out at work for many reasons similar to yours. The first thing is to try not to overwhelm yourself with all of the worries as if you transitioned completely tomorrow (IMG:style_emoticons/default/smile.gif) Take your time and transition slowly. Express yourself subtly more and more as time goes by. People around you will barely notice the changes if you evolve slowly and carefully. I am completely hairless and wear jewelery at work (bracelelets mostly). Some people initially noticed something, but most just kept talking to me like they always did. Those that did noticed no longer comment and also just talk to me without reservation or stares.
Just keep doing a good job where you work and transition slowly, I am sure that it will all be OK. Additionally, I would look into (discretely if needed) the HR policies of where you work. If there is a clause about protection with regards to sexual orientation/gender orientation, you are going to be OK because the company has a formal policy protecting transgendered people. I know it is easier said than done.

Take your time, see a gender therapist if you can. Transition slowly, yet deliberately.

You will be fine.

Love

Brenda

[InkCloud]

Hey Andy! Welcome to the forum. Looking forward to getting to know you. Stick around! The ladies give you cookies. (IMG:style_emoticons/default/wink.gif)

Justin

[SusanKG]

Hi Andy,

Welcome to Laura's. I know it's hard to face the possibility of losing a job, particularly one with benefts, and in this job market period. I suspect your type of work may help an employer decide not to be too concerned with this, but who knows. Make yourself valuable to your employer helps, but in the long run, the old rule "I was looking for work when I found this job," might be useful. Good luck, and remember your friends here.

SusanKG

[Sally]

Well Andy,

I am very late with the refreshment cart so what I will do is leave a warming tray with a nice breakfast for you - we usually bring pizza to our young FTMS but I thought that you might like a breakfast buffet - so I have scrambled eggs, pancakes, waffles, bacon, sausage, ham biscuits and gravy, toast, has browns and all kinds of syrup and jellies - there is plenty for everyone, just my way of making you feel welcome.

The drink cart has cold juices and hot drinks from cocoa to coffee and hot water for tea.

I was interested in some of your interest, I am a musician, photographer and very frustrated artist (because I am absolutely no good at artwork).

Take your time, as I tell everyone here, it is a journey not a race.

I am currently on HRT and still working as a male - I don't know for how long but for now it is going just fine.

Do see a gender therapist as soon as you feel comfortable with that step - it is a great way to find your path.

Welcome to the family.

Love ya,
Sally

[Djeridoo]

I am so grateful for all the support I'm receiving here, I really am.

I'm certainly going to be getting a gender therapist, but currently I am without health insurance (I'm having issues with getting it at work). I don't think I could afford one out of pocket with what I make, on top of bills I have to pay.

I guess I'm just impatient with it all, heh. The wait is really what's killing me. But I don't have much of a choice but to take things slow, which is frustrating.

[Bulldog1948]

Hi Andy

Welcome to Laura's Playground and all it has to offer - support, information, a lot of caring and considerate people who will do what they can to help you.

I'm fascinated by owls. There was a great horned on behind our place all one summer. I used to watch it fly the fields and listen to its hoot. I walked out our back door once and their about 10 feet from me was a small saw-whet owl. It just peered at me (looking for mice in our drain pipes), and I left it alone.

We're glad you're here, and hopefully help you sort things out.

Hugs,

Chloë

ps yea! another Great Lakes resident. Are you Green and White or Maize and Blue? lol!

Hey Chloe,
which color are you, green & white or Maize & Blue? Two weeks from tomorrow [Sat] we'll be suiting up for that "Team from up North". So, just for the fun of it, we might as well warm up now. LOL

We've got a tuff one at Happy Valley this week and then those pesky Hawkeyes. But, The Game is Michigan.

Mike/Bulldog GOOOOOOOOOOOOO BUCKS!!!