http://www.lauras-playground.com/forums Thu, 17 May 2012 05:03:29 +0000 30 http://www.lauras-playground.com/forums/style_images/1/rss.png http://www.lauras-playground.com/forums http://www.lauras-playground.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=45361
Let me start by saying that I know that there will be many hard times ahead. Still this past week since finally truely accepting myself and deciding that I have the right to change myself and be happy, has been the best that I can remember. It's like something clicked into place inside. For the first time ever my mind and soul are in sync, even if my body isn't yet.

I've started a diet and excercise plan, mostly walking a couple miles and eatting right for now, that I've been able to hold to for an entire week. Before, no matter how much I meant to try my resolve was always gone by the third day. I'm taking care of myself (bathing daily, a skin care regiment, quitting smoking) and have cleaned my apartment so that I'm not just living in filth. Filled out an application on Monday, had an interview today (that went really well ), and was told that they would call me by Friday because if hired they would want me to start training this coming Monday.

Its just insane to think that last week I was horribly depressed, didn't care if I lived or died, unemployed, zero motivation, and no clear purpose. Now I have a purpose that has never felt so right before, motivation that makes me feel like I can endure anything (even though I do know that things will be hard, I just can't imagine anything worse than the emotional pain that I have lived the past 24 years with), the potential for a way to actually begin saving money, and just generally a certain joy from accepting myself .

I just felt like sharing this thought I had and was curious if anyone else her felt this way after accepting themselves.

Hugs Everyone

Alexis L.]]> Thu, 17 May 2012 05:03:29 +0000 http://www.lauras-playground.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=45361 http://www.lauras-playground.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=45354 http://www.glaad.org/blog/ny-times-does-not-retract-dehumanizing-coverage-trans-woman-who-died-fire

Lizzy]]> Thu, 17 May 2012 00:14:00 +0000 http://www.lauras-playground.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=45354 http://www.lauras-playground.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=45347
Is there ever a time when it is brave to NOT proceed with SRS or to NOT transition publicly?

I am thinking of people who have dependents, partners with young children ... or of those who are single parents.The people that I am thinking of, in particiular, from things I have read on LP, have very limited resources and must make great sacrifices to support thier families. They are not "closeted" but, to some degree are making the sacrifice of waiting on some stage of transition in order to honor thier decison/responsibilty as the provider and "head of house-hold."

So, under the definition of "brave" as facing danger without showing fear ... I think that they may be "brave." The danger that they face is the danger of putting ther own well-being on hold in order to ensure that their family remains safe ... has shelter and food and basic security. They are putting themselves at risk of experiencing years of torment and great anguish. This decision seems impossible to me in many ways .... inexplicably painful and complex ... Yet also, it seems nobel to me and it seems to take courage to be willing to put off one's own needs in this way to ensure that one's children will have some basic security. It seems that it would take a great deal of strength to not implode under this type of stress.

Now, to make myself clear ... I am not talking about being "closeted" or denying one's identity .. I am talking about people who make various sacrifices (on the bcontinium of not coming out at work or not spending the money on SRS etc.) I am talking about people who put these steps of transition "on hold" for the sake of thier children who would otherwise live in extreme poverty without them being able ot serve as a "provider."

Me, I am grateful that I never had children ... I have been able to make decisions that do not impact anyone but myself.

I don't know what I think about this ... it seems noble ... it may be the right decison for soem peopl e... for others it may not be possible ... they would simply be crushed by the strain of it and thier families would suffer either way. I think of my own fahther (in contrast) who left my family to start a new life in Nicaragua ... he didn't pay child support ... he just left and did what he needed to do to make himself happy. We lived without many basic necessities because of his decision. I ma sure that he felt it was somthign that eh had to do ... maybe he was right ... I will never know. I only know how his decision affected my family.

Back to gender ... expressing gender and social consequence and the impact it may have on one's family and , in particualr, on one's ability to provide for them .. this is different than abandoing one's family. It is so much more complicated but the decison to put oneself "first" and to transition while serving as the "provider" can have similar complications within some families ... at least financially.

So, in this type of situation ... can holding off on transition sometimes constitute an act of bravery?

Best to all,
JB]]> Wed, 16 May 2012 21:27:00 +0000 http://www.lauras-playground.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=45347 http://www.lauras-playground.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=45331

You can't really see the skirt, but it's dark brown.

The shoes.

]]> Wed, 16 May 2012 14:55:39 +0000 http://www.lauras-playground.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=45331 http://www.lauras-playground.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=45308 I just dont want to let a lot of time go by and have you wonderfull people worry about me again. I am still around and still kicking. I am also still in a holding pattern with transition and still looking forward to my first time going out dressed. Tue, 15 May 2012 22:04:45 +0000 http://www.lauras-playground.com/forums/index.php?showtopic=45308