by
Laura Amato
Q) OK so why does he crossdress? Aren't I
enough woman for him?
A) First of all this is not your fault. In fact it really has nothing
to do with you, though it will affect you. This has been with him
for a lot longer than he's been with you.
Q) So
when did he start dressing up?
A) He
probably started dressing as a child or in his teens.
In a very few cases it can start later.
Q) Why did he start?
A) Probably out of a sense of childlike curiosity. With some, their
sisters or a baby sitter may have dressed them up as girls either
for fun or punishment. With some it is purely a fantasy. Dressing
can relieve the stress involved in living up to the perceived male
role model as a tough, problem solver. The slightest deviation from
this role may lead to a feeling of temporary inadequacy. Pretending
to be a girl gives a release from male peer pressures. When the
dressing is completed the CD feels much calmer and more able to
face his role.
Q) Is there sex involved?
A) Yes In the beginning especially as a teenager experimenting with
self gratification. Probably less as a crossdresser grows older
to being nonexistent by middle age.
Q) We're very close. Why didn't he tell me before we were married?
A) Crossdressing often times slows down as one grows into their
twenties. Diminishing to partial dressing or stopping completely
in what is called Purging. New loves and relationships make dressing
quickly fade into the background and stop completely making the
CD even think they are cured. This is most likely when you met.
Q) Why did his dressing come back?
A) In the mid twenties and later socioeconomic pressures start to
surface. Children, a mortgage, 2 cars, and education worries can
contribute. Probably the biggest factor though is his job. Career
matters at work intensify as peers are promoted even including him.
Pressures of family life and loosing the newness of a relationship
all
contribute. Don't forget that socially at least most men feels the
buck stops with them and they often take complete responsibility
for many problems.
As
the stress builds up he remembers that crossdressing always relieved
pressure in the past. Why not now? He dresses and it works, the
stress is relieved and so is he.
Q) Is he Gay?
A) No, not usually. They are men at all other times when they are
not dressed.
Q) Does he take hormones and want to change his sex?
A) In almost all cases no. In very few instances do men advance
unless they are latent Transsexuals. That warrants an entire different
set of FAQ's.
Q) Can I make him stop?
A) This is probably the worst thing you can do. Forcing him to stop
and purge his feminine side could have disastrous consequences.
Most likely he would binge later on with the crossdressing urge
even stronger. Besides his pressure will still be there.
Q) So what can I do?
A) Plenty. Compromise is the key from BOTH parties. After all you
are hurt and probably shocked. This is a lot to absorb. Realize
that neither of you is to blame.
He is terrified right now of loosing you or that you'll tell someone.
Reassure
him of your love. You are going to need to give him some time to
allow him to spend time at his hobby behind closed doors. Remember,
it is a stress reliever for him. If you don't want him
to touch your clothing tell him so. He needs to respect that but
you will need to help him get his own things. Catalogs work for
most if you don't want to shop with him.
He
may want to join a crossdressers club where he can dress freely.
You should find a support group where you can talk to other wives
with your same problem. If you've found a bitter group you are in
the wrong place. You need understanding, not militancy.
Q) What do I gain if I let him crossdress?
A) You actually both have much to gain. After so many years in the
closet he is finally free to be himself. Benefits are less stress,
better health, New found creativity, thoughtfullness and appreciation.
Q)
What about my rights?
A)
Fortunately there are guidlines for both Wives and Crossdressers.
It is called the Bill
of Rights for Wives and Crossdressers. Remember these
are guidlines. They can be added to or subtracted from. Everything
is negotiable.
Q)
Ok I've let him be himself now all he wants to do is Crossdress.
A)
Many crossdressers are compulsive by nature. Finally free to be
himslef new crossdressers often become like kids in a candy store.
You may have to nudge him back to reality. Simply state that you
miss the man you love. Tell him you'd like to see that man a little
more often. If he has trouble have him see a psychiatrist about
anti-compulsion prescription drugs.
Q)
What are our chances?
A) Very Good actually. It is rare for a marriage to end because
of crossdressing. This of course not the case if your husband is
really Transsexual
Good
Luck.
Laura
