From Crossdresser to Transsexual .....IS
IT POSSIBLE? ~
Originally
titled - FROM
CD TO TS.....IS IT POSSIBLE?
by
Annie
We talk about many issues in our
chatroom, but one of the most
hotly debated subjects I've ever been involved in there has been
that of the fetishistic crossdresser and whether or not a CD is
transsexual.
There are many among us who believe that if one becomes sexually
aroused by the donning of women's clothing, or by simply THINKING
about metamorphosing into a female, then that individual is not
truly transsexual, but a man with a fetish.
I was one of those "aroused" CDs once, and I can state categor-
ically that I have NEVER considered myself a man-- not even a
male, in fact. I have always been an "incomplete woman".
Then, how can I reconcile that so often I utilized a part of me
that, by TS definition, I should have loathed? There's no question
that functioning in a male capacity was INCREDIBLY conflicting for
me. Given a choice, I'd have had no sexuality whatsoever.
How many crossdressers can identify with this: Being excited while
dressed as a woman, relieving that tension (you know how) and then
feeling disgusted with yourself afterward? You can't get out of
the clothing or wash that makeup off fast enough. Sound familiar?
What causes this cycle of arousal, excitement, climax, brief plea-
sure, self-loathing and then divestment? Is it the societal pro-
gramming that would have us believe that this is all deviant be-
havior, -OR- does it go deeper than that, strike us at our hearts?
Is it possible that way down inside, all crossdressers, even the
ones who adamanantly deny it, are just as transsexual as the gal
who never had an erection in her life prior to SRS? If the latter
is the case, it would definitely explain a lot. What clearer re-
minder that one's male body is out of sync with her female mind
is there than this ultimate act of masculine self-gratification?
Can the disgust that comes later be NOT with the act itself or
the clothing, but with the undeniable enforced maleness of one's
physicality?
All this is conjectural, and strictly my opinion. Yours is just
as valid, and I respect any differences you may have with me.
Now, let's turn briefly to those who believe that crossdressers
are just men with fetishes...
In 1998, I took blood tests prior to beginning HRT. I was 44 at
the time. It greatly surprised me to find out that my blood tes-
tosterone level was WAY too high. Normal levels are somewhere be-
tween 300 and 650 units, while MY level was over 1000! The doctor
told me joshingly that if I were at all evil, I'd probably be an
axe murderer. Some joke.
I was WAY oversexed in middle age-- imagine how high my levels
must have been in my prime! This blood test revelation explained
why I had been so easily "turned on" all the time. You get
enough
"juice" in your veins and you cannot control what it does
to you.
So, I think that the gals who say they've never been aroused in a
male way naturally have extremely -LOW- levels of testosterone in
their systems. It is troubling that SOME of these hormonally for-
tunate ladies would deny me and others our rightful claims to
transsexuality because of the uncontrollable arousal self-femini-
zing has for us. HAD, in my case-- the whole experience for me was
ultimately non-fulfilling, and the need to truly metamorphose
pushed me forward, into HRT and my current state of assexuality,
prior to SRS.
If you are a crossdresser or transvestite and believe that you
are, when all is said and done, a MAN, I accept that. But, if deep-
down, you feel that you just MAY be transsexual, I truly understand!
