Emerging from the goo choking and sputtering, I stood up to look around. I was disoriented, lost in the swamp, my path no longer visible. I began to panic. I was confused, my existence was threatened. Where was my path? How do I find my way?

I have since emerged from the swamp. I have regained my path and am again on firm footing. I see the swamp now as the same crossroads we all see so many times in our lives as we travel our paths. My very special friend MaplePower introduced me to the concept of the trident in her road in her post http://www.lauras-playground.com/forums/in...ost&p=87482. Many others have similar views of how their paths offer them choices from time to time. They usually include the three most recognizable: 1)instant and permanent escape from pain, 2)oblivion, merely existing in a life that holds no promise, and 3)following your heart. My swamp held more choices, some branches with obvious alligators guarding the entrance, but the algorithm I use to live my life should have made quick work of navigating through these. Instead, my life was in turmoil.

Looking back, I can see I had far more difficulty navigating the swamp than I should have. I know better. I have been there before, many times, and always found my way back to my path. The engineer in me wants to do a post-mortem. What were the turnbacks, how did my process fail, why was I so confused just because my existence was threatened and my world turned upside down? It was just another crossroads. I have survived many. Why so much trouble this time?

It actually was quite simple. I made the mistake of thinking this was a problem to solve. I actually explained the swamp I found myself in to my very special friend, my sister I whom I love (you know who you are) and asked her why I could not factor this problem domain, see the solution, and execute to schedule (we are both engineers, she gets this stuff). She gave me her engineer's answer, to the sister she loves, and said "follow the rules." Well, some rules were involved, I have to admit. But that just wasn't lighting up my path for me. But I did find my way out of the swamp. How did I do it?

When I was very young I got in constant trouble with educators and parents, and even some friends when I started to insist I was really a girl and my name is Allison. Got me in all kinds of hot water in grade school. I had to sit myself down and figure out how to deal with the conflicts between what my heart was telling me (do this, it is your path) and my brain (don't be an idiot. Only pain is on this path, do what I say and you'll survive). Sure enough, beatings and similar convinced me to utilize my brain to govern my life. The external pain went away, but the internal pain was shredding me to bloody ribbons. So I followed my heart instead of my brain, found inner peace, and got the crap kicked out of me. I had to sit myself down again to re-evaluate. And that is when I discovered my algorithm, how to govern my life, the way to get my heart and my brain to cooperate. It has saved my life many times and invariably led me to health (current weight notwithstanding) and happiness.

My heart is my supreme leader. It commands my brain what to do (life strategy). My brain is my general. It figures out how to accomplish what my heart says is to be done (tactics). When I let my heart deal with tactics, I get into trouble. When I let my brain decide strategy I get into trouble. When I task my brain to develop tactics to keep my heart satisfied, I flourish. I was very lucky to have discovered this simple algorithm very young in life. It has worked repeatedly. I listen to my heart. My heart tells me my desires. Happiness is in the pursuit, and sometimes acquisition, of my desires. My heart told me I needed to transition, my brain dealt with the details. It told me I needed steady financing, my brain implemented a plan (high demand professional career). It told me I wanted a house, my brain figured out a way. SRS? Brain managed the execution.

It has worked for me for many years. I always follow my heart. But for some reason, rising spluttering and choking in that swamp, I did not recognize that this crossroads simply represented my heart informing me of another, new desire. I mistook it for a tactical problem and tasked my brain to find the path. It couldn't do it and I was lost. My sister mentioned something that woke me to my problem, this was a question of desire, of strategy. Figure out what my heart wanted, and THEN task my brain to get it. Instantly my path became clear and I knew just which way to go. Precisely what to do.

And so that is the lesson to myself. I was lost, and wasted time using the wrong approach to find my way. I tried to think my way back to my path, when I should have felt my way back instead. The difference is distinct, as distinct as the difference between success and failure. My path is determined by my heart. How I navigate it is left to my brain. I must remember not to get these confused again.

Allison