Dear Miss Laura,

I'm the wife of Transgendered man (born male), who recently found out that my husband wants to be a woman. When we first got together, everything was wonderful, he was everything that I could ever ask for in a mate. A month before our Wedding, he told me that he has gender identity disorder and it's a posibility, but not likely, that he may want to transition; but he would more than likely just cross dress. The shock of finding out that my fiance thinks about being a woman lead to a lot of crying, a lot of talking, and a lot of fear.

But being very much in love and reasurred that we'll get counseling - we went on with the wedding. I'm pretty open-minded and I know that this is real and that it's not going to go away. I also understand his position and try to be as supportive as I can. But over time, he told me that he wants to be a woman, but he'd keep his body. Then he told me that being able to pass as a woman will be the only thing to make him happy, so he shaves his body hair (MAJOR shock to me, I was really attracted to it!) and tells me that he wants to start HRR (hormones). Now he says that he was born in the wrong body and that he wants to transition!

I worry that in the end, I won't get what I want and/or what I was promised. I am afraid that if he becomes a woman then I won't be attracted to him anymore. Not only am I still in love with my husband but I'm attracted to my opposite sex. I told him that I want him to do what makes him happy. But I'm afraid that in the future - I won't be happy. We started counseling and stoped because he thought that he "came off too macho" (meaning that he won't get diagnosed the way he wants). Money is tight so we haven't been able to start with a new counselor yet, we're working on it though.

I don't think that I would have a problem with him being a cross dresser or being a woman part time, because I know that underneath it all he'd still be the man I fell in love with. But things have getting pretty shaky here, I know he loves me a lot and the thought of me rejecting him scares him quite a bit. And I also know that I am still very much in love and the thought of losing him is much worse than of me being hurt. So for my sake, I'm going to stay with him and try and work it out. But not knowing the future is terrifying.

Transsexual's Wife

Dear Transsexuals Wife,

Being transgendered is often very confusing. So much so that we often don't really know for sure what we want until a solution comes into sight. It is something that begins at very early age and almost never goes away. In fact it usually gets worse as we age.

It doesn't sound as if your husband isn't being very co-operative in marraige counseling. Trying to behave differently for the counslor will not help her or you.
By becoming female she will dramatically change your life so you certainly should have a say in this.

Being 19 you may have thought of children. If she takes hormones this will be almost impossible as once she is on Female Hormones she will be permanently infertile. You need to think of banking his seed.

After she takes hormones her mind may change further. After a while it is possible her orientation will change no matter what promises are made. Nothing is for certain even if the promises are sincere.

Love will certainly help but there's no way to predict how this will turn out. You will have to decide if you can live with a very uncertain future.

I wish you two the best of luck.

Laura